HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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