so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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