I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
