Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
