I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
