we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
