the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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