By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
