I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
