tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My dick has a subreddit
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
