It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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