You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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