O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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