I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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