Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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