do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
