im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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