apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
