it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
