you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
