wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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