IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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