I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
