i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it's like iHOP with fire
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
