Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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