things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
