your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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