cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and she was petting her beer can
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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