babies were throwing up all over the place
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
