So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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