apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
