Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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