She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
