Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
