And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
