He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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