I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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