Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
