i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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