I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
