i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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