Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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