I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
