Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
