I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
