he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
