OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
