who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
