Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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