I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
