And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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