____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
