he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
