im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
