She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We need to get me chipped asap
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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