your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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