lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
