Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
