I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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