My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
